Unfortunately, it also allows painful events to be relived like they occurred yesterday instead of five years ago. It also makes it hard to move to unrelated tasks when your brain gets stuck focusing on the hurt.

Many on the autism spectrum have stories of songs they cannot get out of their heads or persistent thoughts running through their minds. They tell of being so focused on one thing that they are unable to erase it from their mind.

All of these qualities are excellent when applied to something you need to accomplish or when they help you achieve your dreams, but what if you have a memory of a horrible experience that you cannot get past? What if someone wounded your soul? Those persistent thoughts and the ability to focus so intently can almost destroy you.

Many experts and well-intended family and friends say the way to overcome hurt caused by others is to move on and prove those people wrong.

• How do you do this when your mind refuses to let it go?
• How do you do it when just as you believe you can, someone throws it all in your face by telling you so and so wants to know why you can’t just forgive her?
• How do you do it when your excellent senses allow you to overhear that person saying something that hurts you?

Ways to Overcome Hurtful Experiences

• Begin by allowing your child to tell his  side of the story to those willing to listen. He can focus on helping others to avoid the pitfalls that tripped him up and made him fall into an abyss. He can refuse to let those who hurt him win.

• If you are the parent, friend, teacher, sibling, etc. of someone who is hurting, support her by listening without judgment, but acknowledge her pain. Do not tell her to just get over it, this will make her stronger, or it will get better.

• Advice your child to reach out to someone. It might be a former teacher who supported him through a rough time. It may be his parent, sibling or a true friend. It might be a professional such as his psychologist. It does not matter who the person is as long as he is a positive person who encourages your child instead of telling him to just move on.

A Support Person

Your child deserves to be supported and to have her feelings honored. Help your child find someone who truly understands and supports her. Do not let your child give up!

A  supportive person should support a child in every possible way. That means if she needs to hide some days, a supportive person should be OK with this. The  person helping your child may try to get her back out in the world, but if your child is not ready for this, she should speak up.

You may only see baby steps at first, but be patient. Your child may need to do something unrelated to the hurt. Hopefully, she can find something she enjoys. It can be a simple as looking at flowers. Your child will move forward at her own pace. She deserves to get her life back, but can not do it overnight. It’s OK for your child to move slowly, but please make sure she moves!

D.S. is an author of an award winning young adult novel, Delightfully Different, written to teach tolerance of differences after her daughter, who is on the autism spectrum was severely bullied. D.S. also blogs at Delightfully Different Life.

If we are super diligent, we regularly get out our therapy ball, or whatever tool applies to our program, and inform little John that it’s time for therapy again.  “Oh, isn’t this fun!”  we say, while groaning inside hoping he will comply and we will have something to report to the therapist tomorrow.  If we are like most overwhelmed parents with children with special needs, we attempt our home program once or twice outside of therapy sessions, find we are too tired to fake the enthusiasm we are supposed to use for encouraging participation, and secretly admit that we were doing great just to get them to therapy only twenty minutes late this week.  We resolve to do better next week but looking at the schedule, we may begin to resent the numerous entries that refer to yet another type of therapy.

Enough already!  Can’t he just be a kid?  Well, no; not really since he still isn’t potty trained at 7 and cannot speak.  So, we grit our teeth and keep at it, trying not to feel like we are not doing enough for our child.

I’ll share with you this thought:

What if I spent as much time playing with my child as I did stressing about not getting the therapy done?”

So, I get down on the floor, crawl around while pushing the toy car, and notice he’s immediately participating.  I push the car back and forth and realize this looks like something similar to an exercise (cube position with arm extended, see video demo of this exercise below).

I hand him the car with way too much expectation and he immediately catches on that this is a trick to do therapy.  Ok, forget the therapy, let’s just push the car.  Soon, he wants the car and is approximating the movements.  I drive the car up the side of the bed (I am now kneeling) and back down.  He follows, moving to a kneeling position, and back to hands and knees.  We race up to the top of the “mountain” standing and reaching as high as I can go.  Ok, he doesn’t follow that one but…maybe we can just play.

Our brains already have a program for developing gross motor skills.  We just need to tap into that built-in pathway.  For many children with special needs, the motor program has been interrupted or damaged.  This doesn’t mean we should give up, it just means we have to increase the variety and repetition of movements so that more information makes it through the neurodevelopmental process.

If we engage in physical play while introducing many different movements, there is greater chance of making the brain-body connections our child needs.  Family Time Fitness has a program for improving gross motor skills with over 200 different exercises and 260 different lesson plans.  My child with Down’s Syndrome cannot do a full lesson, but he can mimic many of the individual exercises during play.

Visit us at Family Time Fitness for more information about developing gross motor skills in children.

P.S. Friends, is there is a specific topic you would like us to shed some light on? Please send us a message.

photo credit: lorenkerns

“Pajaggle™ (pa-jag-gul). The game that thinks it’s a puzzle. Pajaggle is an ever-growing collection of challenging games of fun made in America that brings people together regardless of age.“

But this definition barely scratches the surface.

The Pajaggle Game

Pajaggle is fairly simple, given this complex electronic age. It comes with a board with openings for 61 pieces. Each piece only fits into one location. You also receive instructions to play various games and a timer. The board and pieces are very sturdy and there’s even a bag to store the pieces.

The instructions come with eleven different ways to play the game, but I’m sure you can create many more of your own. To give you an idea on how the game is played, you can try the online Pajaggle version. But this is played alone and I think the real fun comes with playing with others.

The Pajaggle Question

How will our kids, those with “invisible” special needs (ADHD, high functioning autism, anxiety, and sensory issues), respond to Pajaggle? Here is what I was told:

Pajaggle is not a game designed for ADD or ADHD kids. Nor was it designed for a special needs kid. It was designed so that kids with ADD, ADHD, or SPD could play a game that everyone else plays.”

With this in mind and with the help of Pajaggle, I reviewed the game, along with three other special needs bloggers. Below are our experiences.

The Pajaggle Review

I set up my 14-year old daughter (learning issues, attention deficits, impulsivity, and anxiety) with her dad to play Pajaggle. My daughter’s first response when she saw the game was “This is so cute!” I guess that’s a teenage girl for you!

They randomly divided the pieces and then set the timer to 5 minutes to see who could put in the most pieces. My daughter and husband got right to it. I think their comments revealed a lot:

My daughter said things such as: “This is a great game!” “Mom, I want you to say nothing but positive things about this game because it is a really good game.” “I love this game.” These were all interspersed with the occasional “Good job, dad!”

My husband’s comments on the other hand were in search of reasons why his daughter was winning: “It would probably help if I had my glasses!” and “The tough thing about this game is that at first, you think all the pieces will fit a spot. Then you figure out that there are a lot of pieces that don’t fit anywhere!” (Please note, all the pieces DO fit somewhere!)

When I asked my daughter what she liked most about the game, she said, “I like it because it’s like a puzzle.” My husband concluded, “It’s simple, but fun.”

For a child who has sequencing and short-term memory issues, this game was perfect. Many games appear to be too complex, thus my daughter refuses to play them. There are too many rules to remember (if you land on red pick from this deck, but if you land on blue you move two more spaces), the sequencing of tasks is challenging (roll the dice, move the spaces, decide if you will go right or left, pick from the deck or miss a turn, etc.), and the game just takes  too long to complete.

For my daughter, Pajaggle appeared easy enough because of the simple instructions, but provided her with something complex enough to challenge her, and we had a winner within minutes. Pajaggle turned into a winner in my home and will definitely be added to our Thanksgiving list of games to play this year!

Continue on to read what other bloggers with children of different ages and different special needs had to say…

Pajaggle: A Review by Kelly Quinones Miller, author of The Miller Mix

Kelly reviewed Pajaggle with her 10-year old son who has ADHD (inattentive type). If this sounds like your child, you’ll want to read what Kelly has to say. Kelly starts her review with:

Continue here to read the entire review.

Pajaggle: A Review of a Game of Fun and Learning for All Ages by Martianne Stanger of Training Happy Hearts

Martianne reviewed Pajaggle with her almost 6-year old son with ADHD and Sensory Processing Disorder. If your child fits this profile, you don’t want to miss her insights. Martianne starts off her review with:

“How do you know when my son with special needs likes a game? One way is to observe him choosing it over something else he loves.  Such was the case with Pajaggle this week…“

Continue here to read the entire review.

Review of Pajaggle – A Puzzle Game With Many Possibilities by Tim Tucker of Both Hands and a Flashlight

Tim reviewed Pajaggle with his 6-year old son with autism. Tim had some difficulties getting his son engaged with the game, but had some suggestions for altering the game and how it is played in order to meet the needs of younger children with autism. Tim starts by saying:

“Their web site describes it as ‘Pajaggle (pa-jag-gul). The game that thinks it’s a puzzle.’ And at one level, that’s essentially all it is. But really it’s a lot more than that, and I thought it was a blast…”

Continue here to read the entire review.

After reading this, you have probably concluded that Pajaggle needs to be added to your holiday list. Enjoy in the fun and get purchasing information at Pajaggle’s store.

Thank you to Kelly, Martianne, and Tim for providing their reviews and to Pajaggle for this fun opportunity.

Special education is the broad term used by our educational system to describe instruction that has been altered or modified to meet the unique needs of a child who has a disability.

Learning disabilities cover a wide spectrum of disorders and can range from mild to severe.  They can include mental, physical, behavioral and emotional disabilities. The law (IDEA) that governs special education defines thirteen categories of special education.  To qualify for services, a child must have a disability that falls within one of these categories and it must adversely affect their educational performance.  The thirteen categories are:

• Autism
• Blindness
• Deafness
• Emotional Disturbance
• Hearing Impairment
• Mental Retardation
• Multiple Disabilities
• Orthopedic Impairment
• Other Health Impaired
• Speech Impairment
• Specific Learning Disability
• Traumatic Brain Injury
• Visual Impairment

The goal of special education is to make it possible for a child to achieve academic success in the least restrictive environment despite their disability.

IDEA entitles all children with learning disabilities to a free and “appropriate” education or FAPE.

Examples of “appropriate” programs include:

• A specific program or class for your child.
• Access to specialists.
• Modifications in the educational program such as an altered curriculum and teaching methods.

Parents must give consent in order to have their child receive special education services.  Some parents worry about “labeling” their child or feel that if their child is in special education it means they are stupid or “not normal”.  These fears are understandable but not true.

Most children in special education have average or above average intelligence.What they usually need to experience success is for the curriculum to be adapted so that it matches the way they learn.

If a child with a learning disability does not receive services and continues to struggle in school, they can become extremely discouraged and can end up giving up completely.   If you suspect that your child needs special education services, I encourage you to explore the IEP process and to keep an open mind.  Remember, if you feel special education is not benefiting your child you can always choose to terminate services.

I receive a lot of questions from parents asking how to request a special education evaluation and the answer is simple…just ask.  The law allows parents to request one evaluation per year.  I usually suggest that you make your request in writing and send it to your child’s teacher, school psychologist or principal.  The school has 60 days to complete the evaluation once they receive your request.

Remember, having your child evaluated for special education does not mean they will automatically qualify.  The evaluation is only the first step in determining if your child needs support services.  Once the evaluation is complete, the IEP team convenes and examines the results of the evaluation.  Parents are a part of the IEP team.  The team then makes a recommendation as to whether or not the child qualifies for services.  In order for an IEP to be written, the IEP team must agree to the recommendation of placement in special education AND the parents must give consent.

You can learn more about IDEA and the IEP Process on my web site Understanding Special Education.

Happy Parenting!

Michele Hancock

photo credit: MMcQuade

This month the topic was provided by Tiffani Lawton from OUR Journey THRU Autism and surrounds the use of medications. Bloggers share their positive and negative experiences with medications, as well as alternatives to meds. Two bloggers even share their thoughts on the “politics of medications.” There is a lot of great insight and you get to hear from parents who have been there done that!

Positive Experiences with Medications

• Accidental Expert presents There is No Magic Bullet posted at Raising Complicated Kids. Putting your child on medication is never an easy choice. If you do, know that you’re not alone. Also, here’s why we’ve done it and how it has helped.
  
• Emily Ash presents Medicated Madie posted at Where’s Erma? Things are different now as our family slowly accepts the world of AD/HD meds. Each one of us seems altered by Madie’s prescription as it has changed more than just her behaviors; it has changed our household dynamic.
• Jenn Lynn presents Swallowy, Chewy, Melty posted at The World According to Jake. We struggled and struggled with the decision to medicate our child with autism. Here’s how we decided and continue to charge through.
• Mama Bear presents Facing the Inevitable Next Step… More Medication posted at My Son Has 2 Brains. Most of us would agree that medicating your child is a tough decision that’s surrounded by fears and controversy. But what I wasn’t prepared for was the inevitable next step of adding more medication, thankfully for my son, it was a risk worth taking.
• Mom With Bipolar presents Meds ~ Are we crazy? posted at Mom with Bipolar’s Life. Each of our children take psychiatric medications. This is our pharmaceutical journey.
• The Puzzle Kids presents To Medicate My Children Or Not? posted at The Puzzle Kids. It was very hard to decide to medicate my children. I finally figured out Western medicine is what my children needed.
• Seth Fowler presents Autism and Medication…what is the best answer? posted at Look At My Eyes. Don’t be one of “those parents” when it comes to autism and medication and validation. Read all sorts of rants and opinions from a dad’s perspective…and so much more!
• Tim Tucker presents Melatonin – The Kinda, Sorta, Wonder-ish Supplement for Sleep posted at Both Hands and a Flashlight. Sleep has always been a struggle for our family, but awhile back it got to the point of desperation with our son. After trying a variety of non-medication approaches and considering many options, we found that melatonin, while not perfect, overall has been a positive solution for us.
• Trish presents Medications and Their Use with Special Needs Kids posted at In So Many Words. As a parent with a non-medical background, I am simply sharing our experience with meds, from the first time they were suggested to us in 2009 to when we finally agreed to a trial run in 2011. I think the most important thing to remember is that this is not a once and done decision, but an ongoing question to be answered as many times as necessary based on your child’s best interests.

Negative Experiences with Medications

• Rachel Cohen-Rottenberg presents When Medications Do Harm posted at Journeys with Autism. This post is
  an excerpt from my new book, “Blazing My Trail: Living and Thriving with Autism.” It discusses my negative experiences with Lorazepam, a benzodiazepine often used to treat anxiety.
• Yuji Fukunaga presents Medication is No Panacea posted at Hanabi Boy. The decision to put our son on medication was one of the hardest we have faced since our son was diagnosed with autism more than five years ago.

Alternatives to Medications

• Chynna Laird presents Chynna’s Sensational Pearls: Medication and SPD posted at The Gift Blog. Near the beginning of our journey with SPD, we were ‘strongly advised’ to put Jaimie on SSRI’s to ‘fix’ her anxiety, which we refused to do. This post is reaching out to ‘sensational’ caregivers to inform themselves about SPD and medication and to always trust their gut.
  
• Darlene Wierski-Devoe presents Non-Drug approach to mental health posted at The Raising Socially Anxious Children Blog. If there are alternatives to a non-drug approach I am going to try it, what about you? See what researchers at Stanford University are doing to continue their study of nond at -drug treatments for social anxiety.
• Libby Loucks presents Going Granola: Managing without medication posted at Grateful for the Good Days: Musings, laments, and advice on life with a kid on the autism spectrum. A brief summary about our experience with managing our son’s pdd-nos, sensory processing disorder, and other needs without medication. This post touches on our biomedical approach to our son’s special needs as suggested by our Early On workers.
• Martianne Stanger presents Medication: Our Choice Is Not Now posted at Training Happy Hearts. We realize every child is unique and each family’s situation and tolerance levels are different. For now, our choice is to embrace a life of conscious choices (diet, exercise, therapy, etc.) over chemical treatments.

Politics of Medications

• DS Walker presents Does Special Needs Equal Medication Needs? posted at Delightfully Different Life. Medication can be useful “as long as you have proper monitoring for side effects and as long as you have ruled out other medically researched options.”
  
• Gavin Bollard presents Medications and Special Needs – It’s Your Choice posted at Life with Aspergers. A look at how pressure from anti and pro medications groups can make it difficult for parents to decide whether or not to medicate their special needs children.

Thank you to all these fabulous bloggers for participating in this 12th Best of the Best. Please leave comments as you read these posts and let the bloggers know you appreciate their hard work. Thanks!

Previous BoB Posts

Anxiety and Stress (Edition 6)
Autism and Treatment Options (Edition 1)
Book Reviews (Edition 5)
Calming Techniques for Stress and the Special Needs Child (Edition 10)
Family Life (Edition 4)
Family Life-Fun, Loving, and Special (Edition 11)
Media (Edition 7)
School Issues (Edition 3)
Sleep Issues (Edition 8 )
Social & Play Skills (Edition 2)
Therapy Options (Edition 9)

Disclaimer: Please note, the opinions expressed in each referenced post in S-O-S Best of the Best are entirely that of its author and the inclusion of these posts does not constitute an endorsement by S-O-S Research.

photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography

photo credit: Evalia England

While the approaching holiday season is one of Family, Gratitude and Giving, for many it means pressure, stressful schedules, situations and people to manage. In an informal online poll, more than 80% of the participants said that the holiday season is ‘somewhat’ to ‘very’ stressful. Doing, eating, drinking, spending too much, and even too much togetherness can leave us feeling drained, cranky and stressed instead of connected, cared for and uplifted.

If you are the parent or family member of a special needs child, not only are the events stressful, but so is the anticipation and concern over how your child might read, transition and respond to these upcoming events.

One of my favorite techniques to use to counteract stress is Imagery. It’s easy and effective and anyone can learn it without any special equipment.

Imagery has been used for many years by counselors, doctors and athletes. It is simply creating a detailed picture in your imagination. It could be of an object, a word, a place or a situation. We use this simple yet powerful tool all the time without even knowing it to create positive calming images as well as stressful ones. Every time we relay a story about someone who helped us (or who hurt us) we are re-creating that experience in our minds. However we responded to it in real life will be exactly how we (our bodies, minds and emotions) respond to it in imagery. The more frequently we can create and hold calming, positive images in our mind, the calmer and in control we will feel.

We can use imagery to manage stress whenever we need to and can teach children and teens to do the same. Imagery can be guided verbally or combined with quiet instrumental music to set a mood. The child can sit on the floor, on a cushion or a comfortable chair or lie down. Ask them to close their eyes and listen to their breathing. Speak softly and slowly and allow momentary pauses in between sentences to allow the child to form a picture in their mind. Here is a simple imagery to get you started:

The Starfish: Imagine that you are a tiny starfish on the beach. As you breathe in and out, you can feel the waves come closer to you. Soon they gently wash over you, taking you into the ocean. You are floating to the bottom and come to rest in the sand. You feel quiet, safe and calm. There are other beautiful sea creatures swimming nearby and you know they are your friends. You can see the bright sun way up high through the water. When you are feeling calmer, you can float back to the top, up towards the sun and let the waves wash you back onto the beach. The warm sun on your body helps you feel healthy, strong and happy. Now wiggle your fingers and your toes and take a deep breath. On the count of three, you can open your eyes and stretch.

For children with diminished receptive language skills, make a small collage (preferred technique), scrapbook or photo album and include color photos or drawings to set your imagery theme (example beach, animals, the woods, etc.) Include a few photos of the child doing these activities. Allow them to look at the images while quiet music plays. Talk to them in a quiet voice about the images and how calm the pictures make them feel.

Practice this yourself first. The best way for children to learn is for us to set an example everyday. Be willing to manage your own stress & look for signs of stress in your child. It’s a good idea to introduce imagery at a time when the child is already calm and practice a little bit every day to make ‘calm’ a habit. Teach children to recognize stress too and when they do, go to a quiet place and use this imagination technique before stressful feelings get out of hand.

(Other Imageries: A tree growing; floating on a cloud; gently falling snowflakes; a peaceful garden; breathing in/out colors; fish swimming in a pond; painting on the sky.)

Barbara Gini is an Adaptive Movement Educator, Mind/Body Educator, children’s yoga teacher and the founder of the S.M.Art Kids Adaptive Yoga Program. She has worked with children of all abilities for more than 15 years. She assists families of children with autism and other challenges, helping them to learn yoga based techniques that integrate the senses and keep kids calm and focused. She can be found online at BodyLogique, her blog, and on email Barbara@bodylogique.com.

photo credit: chocolate dip

What’s up with that?  Well, for kids who have ADHD, sleep disorders are not uncommon.  In fact, studies have shown that between 25% and 50% of children and adolescents diagnosed with ADHD have clinically reported sleep problems.  This can include difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, and waking up from sleep.

If your child is among those who suffer from sleep difficulties, you are no doubt aware of the problems such suffering can create.  Too little sleep may profoundly exacerbate ADHD symptoms.  Being chronically tired can make one irritable and less able to face the stressors and expectations of his day.  Compound this with their inherent difficulty regulating their emotions and it makes for a troublesome situation.  And the continual stress it places on the parents and caretakers trying to help the child manage sleep can negatively impact family relationships across the board.

What causes the problem?

Children’s reluctance or inability to settle into sleep at a designated time may be due to many different factors.

1. One issue may be biological.  There is evidence that the circadian rhythm (our internal clock related to light-dark cycles), may be delayed in some people with ADHD.
2. A second issue may be related to ADHD medication side effects, although approximately one-third of medication-free children who have ADHD have difficulty falling asleep.
3. A third consideration may be related to a lack of or inconsistent nighttime routine for winding down and getting to bed at a regular time.

But by and large, it seems that much of the difficulty in regulating sleep may be due to the ADHD itself.  Many children and adults with ADHD report that it is often easier for them to concentrate in the evening when they are less interrupted by the people and environmental stimuli of the day.  Some report that the opposite is true, that in the quiet of the evening their mind is full of a bombardment of thought and they get all revved up.  And many remain awake stimulated by hyperfocusing on reading, surfing the net, or computer gaming.

What to do to encourage sleep

Your best resource to figure out what to do is your child.  As with any area of concern, start with a nonjudgmental inquiry as to what their insights might be as to what is making falling asleep or waking up so difficult.  A conversation during the day, far away from the bedtime hours, that starts off with a simple “I notice that you often have a hard time falling asleep.  What’s up?“  They may not be aware themselves, but the important message here is that you are not looking to punish or control, rather to understand and help.  Here are some other practical things that you can consider doing:

• Get a sleep study at a qualified center to rule out any medical issues.
• Speak to your Psychiatrist about adjusting the medication schedule.  Perhaps adjusting the medications themselves if depression or anxiety are co-existing conditions with the ADHD.
• With your doctors okay, give your child Melatonin. Melatonin is a hormone released by the brain in response to the setting of the sun that has some function in setting the circadian clock. It is available as a supplement that can be purchased without prescription at most pharmacies and health food stores.
• Develop a consistent routine for winding down and ending the day.
• Dim the lights 30 minutes before bed.
• Shut off electronics 1 hour before bed.  Computer games, especially ones with active moving objects where the images are likely to repeat in your child’s head long after the computer is off, can be too stimulating. Talk about a substitute method for winding down.
• Avoid scary shows or books in the evening that may induce too many anxious thoughts.
• Experiment with soft music or a white noise machine.
• Stay away from chocolate and other caffeinated products for several hours before bedtime.
• Let your child take a warm bath in the evening.
• Lie down with your child to help them transition to a calm, sleepy state.
• If sleep is occurring way too late at on a regular basis, adjust schedule by no more than 20 minutes earlier every few days to bring it to a more appropriate time.

Difficulty waking up

Sleep difficulties as I mentioned at the beginning of this article are not restricted to issues related to falling asleep.  For some families, that’s only half the battle.  Next month I will tackle the issue of the morning wake-up.  Please feel free to send me any of your helpful tips for nighttime wind down and morning wake up and I will be sure to share them with everyone.  You can email me at: Cindy@PTScoaching.com  or visit me at PTS Coaching.  Rest easy!

photo credit: Brianfit

What is Mindfulness?

The definition of mindfulness is “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgementally”  (Kabat-Zinn, 1994)

How is Mindfulness Cultivated?

Mindfulness is cultivated through forms of meditation and through informal practice. A person is asked to breath while focusing on physical sensations they are experiencing (i.e., what they see, hear, smell, feel, and taste). In order to achieve mindfulness, a person chooses one thing that he/she can focus on (e.g., a raisin, breathing, or a song), and then channels all thoughts and feelings to the object for a prolonged period of time.

In my seminar, we were mindful of raisins. Yes, we were asked to think about tiny dried grapes! We were instructed to take three raisins out of a box and hold them. We then silently focused on how they felt in our hands and their weight and texture. Then, we put one in our mouth, thinking about how it felt and tasted prior to chewing. Next, we were instructed to chew it 15 times, thinking of the taste and texture as it was masticated. Finally, we were asked to swallow, paying attention to how it felt as it disappeared down our throats. When asked about our experiences during the exercise, people said they felt extremely focused and relaxed.

What are the Affects of Mindfulness?

By practicing Mindfulness, one can experience  feelings of calm,  increased kindness and compassion towards one’s self, and self acceptance. Insight and awareness can also be developed, and persons living with chronic pain can learn to live with and even reduce it.

How I Plan to Use Mindfulness 

As a speech-language pathologist, I plan to use Mindfulness with specific stuttering clients. These individuals experience stress and tension in their bodies, which causes them to block sounds from coming out. Mindfulness can help them experience calm. In addition, becoming mindful will hopefully help older clients learn to accept themselves and be kind to themselves.

As an individual, I plan to use mindfulness  to clear my mind and relax in this stressful world.

Jill E. Topp, M.A., RSLP, S-LP (C) is a Speech-Language Pathologist, who specializes in pediatrics. She has a private practice in Richmond, British Columbia, Canada called BC Speech, Language and Communication. She has been working as a registered and certified Speech/Language Pathologist since 1992. Jill works with toddlers – high school aged children. While over half of her practice is dedicated to children within the Autism spectrum, she also works with children who have a multitude of other challenges.
photo credit: Beverly & Pack

The differences between my son and the other children were becoming more and more apparent the older he got. The day of his evaluation, we spent the morning in the toddler class at the local library. Toddler class isn’t anything fancy. There are books and songs and nothing lasts longer than a couple minutes at a time. But it was obvious we were different. My son wouldn’t take a scarf to twirl. He wouldn’t sit through a book. He didn’t chatter and play.

It was hard seeing how different he was. It wasn’t just seeing him with his peers, it was also difficult getting through the day. I struggled and I didn’t really know why. I hoped his evaluation would give us some information.

The assessment happened in our home with three Early Intervention workers. I loved that they came to the house so my son was in his normal environment. They spent a little time showing him toys and getting him comfortable. The tests themselves were about half and half: half were questions I answered and the other half were little activities they did with him.

It’s not easy watching an assessment, especially when you can’t help or offer guidance to your child. I was so used to helping and guiding him through even the smallest games and toys that it was strange to sit back. The tests themselves involved lots of toys: blocks, cups and a host of others. To get the assessment done in a reasonable amount of time often involved moving very quickly from one test to the next. Since my son had difficulty transitioning from one toy to the next we sometimes needed to take breaks when he got too upset about losing a toy.

Overall the transitions went pretty well. With three different workers there, I could see their experience. One would guide my son to a new activity, another would swiftly hide the last one, the third kept track of all their results on paper.

There was one other difficult thing about the assessment: watching my son fail tests. It wasn’t always surprising. Most of the time I knew he wouldn’t be able to complete a task. But sometimes I didn’t see it coming. And then there were all the questions I had to answer with “No, he can’t do that.”

I comforted myself by knowing that there were only two outcomes. One, he didn’t qualify for services, which meant that even if he failed tests he hadn’t failed that many. Two, he did qualify for services and he’d have people coming to help him. Either outcome was positive.

At the end of the session they tallied the scores and gave me a clear description of where he was in different areas. We went through gross and fine motor skills, self-care, language and others.  To qualify he needed a 30% delay and in most areas he was around 50% delayed.

I’ve talked to other parents who have gone through Early Intervention assessments. They can certainly be stressful. You want to make sure they score the tests accurately. You want to make sure they see your child’s normal behavior. You may firmly want your child to qualify or firmly hope he doesn’t. And it’s definitely strange to have someone quantify your child’s skills. It’s not like your milestone checkups with the pediatrician. It brings back feelings of being in school, being graded, being told how good you are. It’s hard when someone is doing that to your child who’s so young.

I felt a mix of emotions but when I found out my son qualified for services I was happy. I didn’t worry about whether he was “wrong” or “slow.” Instead, I saw it as an opportunity to help. Now that he got services, he could get closer to enjoying toddler class at the library and playing with other children. We would be able to communicate better. He’d get less upset and I’d get less frustrated. And every week there would be someone to come to my house to work with my son and hopefully teach me how to be a better parent to him.

To learn more about Jessica Severson, please visit her website, Don’t Mind the Mess.

photo credit: mabahamo

Over the last few years there has been a multitude of tools and suggestions made to us to aid in tempering these anxious thoughts and feelings. Remember that each day, each hour, the same strategy will not always work. The distraction strategy that got you and your child out the door yesterday might not be the appropriate one for today. As long as you equip yourself with options you will always be one step ahead of the anxiety.

Take a look at the strategies below. Have you used any of these?

1. Toolboxes – written down on a little notepad with drawings and words that encapsulate a coping strategy. Examples: Count to 10 slowly, Sing a song, Breathe
2. Meditation CD – a CD used specifically at night in order to calm down and soothe the anxious mind. Example: Lori Lite of Stress Free Kids has a host of wonderful CD’s to help with anxiety and stress for children, teens and adults.
3. Guided Imagery CD – again another form of meditation but it is a guided journey so you have a soothing voice to take your mind where it needs to go. Example: Bellruth Naparstek of Healing Journeys has a fantastic assortment of guided imagery tools.
   
4. Workbooks – with the help of a teacher, educational assistant, or parent the child works through a workbook filled with exercises to help gain understanding of where the anxiety comes from and how to talk back to his worries. Example: What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids) by Dawn Huebner
5. Creating a Stepladder Plan – you make a step by step plan for each one of your worries or fears. Each plan has a goal and each time you reach a step you are rewarded.  Worry ratings start at 2 or 3 and go all the way up to 10. In between there are lots of great steps that help your child reach their  final goal. Example: Cool Kids Program
6. Feelings charts – creating a chart for the day of your child’s feelings so that at the end of the day he can look back and chart his progress. Example: I felt sad and panicky in the morning but by the afternoon I felt fine. Today I feel sad and panicky but if it is like yesterday I will feel fine. For this concept it was very helpful to have a visual reminder that one can make it through the day despite the worry or anxiety. Find a great site at Feeling Charts.
7. Affirmations – Positive statements that enhance the child’s self-esteem and self confidence. We use them daily and they are short and simple and to the point. Example: For our evening affirmation some of the suggestions we’ve chosen are: I am strong. I am loved. I can do whatever I set my mind on. I am thankful for everything I have done today. I do everything to the best of my ability.

While all of these techniques have a place in our home there is one that stands out more than any other.

Realistic thinking  – The definition according to Anxiety BC is:

Realistic thinking means looking at all aspects of a situation (the positive, the negative, and the neutral) before making conclusions. In other words, realistic thinking means looking at yourself, others, and the world in a balanced and fair way.”

Realistic thinking has helped all of us in the family who suffer from anxiety. From the moment that feeling of fight-or-flight begins until the moment that you know the panic has passed, it is a very versatile and simple way to cut through the clutter and negative chatter in your mind to put things back into perspective. It is a benefit because unlike some of the other techniques listed above you need nothing other than the awareness of the moment. The here and now is what will carry the moment from panic to calm.

Awareness of all that surrounds you is how I like to practice this thinking. If one of us is in the midst of that deluge of shaky, queasy, dizzy, rapid breathing and everything is moving too fast moment, we literally stop where we are and take a breath. For the kids I encourage the realistic thinking by asking questions such as:

• Where are you right now?
• Is there anything here that you should be worried about?
• Is there anything here that is making you feel unsafe?
• What is making you feel worried or nervous right now?
• Have you ever felt this way before?
• Are people really looking at you?

All of these questions prompt the true answer rather than that which our thoughts have determined.  This kind of thinking brings attention to what is really surrounding you. If there is a threat then we deal with it. If there is no threat then we proceed.

Realistic thinking also challenges those negative thoughts by asking question such as:

• What’s the worst that can happen?
• What would I say to someone else if they told me their thoughts and feelings?
• Has it ever happened before?
• Have I worked through this feeling before?

Once the calm body, mind, and spirit prevail, I always take the realistic thinking one step further to include a quick encapsulation of the world around my kids. So I will ask them:

• What do you see around you?
• What colour is the sky?
• What colour is the paint on the walls?

I ask them to describe the world around them as specifically as they can. This allows an even more centered and harmonious moment. It allows their breathing to slow thus allowing the thinking process to slow down. Clarity remains–no longer fear and worry, but calm.

This practice is one that everyone can do and not just if you have anxious or worried thoughts. We all could do some realistic thinking each and every day, but if you are dealing with severe anxiety or panic attacks this is one technique that I could not do without.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” Quote by Buddha

To learn more about Darlene, please visit her website, The Raising Socially Anxious Children blog.