I’m behind on my writing for my blog. We just got a new puppy—a gorgeous, apricot, standard poodle. He is only 8 weeks old and quite adorable. (Yes, I am a proud, new momma!) The males in the house opted for the name Neo, after the main character in the Matrix. No “Pierre” or “Croissant” for this poodle!
Well, I’m on this topic because Neo has been home for over a week and he refuses to be crate trained. I’m not going to bore you with the details, but we have tried many, many things. People whom I have spoken with say he should have calmed down by now…but he hasn’t. He’s currently sleeping with me and my husband until I get some advice from a good trainer.
I was buying Neo some food today at the pet store and started talking to the employee about the crate. I will pretty much talk to anyone about the crate who will listen. I want the crate to work! A customer joined the conversation and gave me her two cents. To summarize she said, “You need PATIENCE. Haven’t you ever raised a child? If you would just be patient, he will get use to his crate.”
I was silent. How does one respond to this? I really don’t need to justify my actions. But her comment got me thinking about “patience.”
Dictionary.com has a number of definitions for patience. I took a look at the three that applied.
1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
Well, I do have to admit to irritation and even loss of temper at various times of my parenting duties. But on the other hand, I can say that there have been many situations where I have bore misfortune without complaint. But then at other times, I guess I have bore misfortune WITH complaint. OK, I don’t really think this is the best example. Let’s move on.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.
OK, now I really believe I meet this definition of patience. I may not suppress both my restlessness AND annoyance at the same time, but the definition says OR. I believe I have met this definition. Well, maybe not completely met it, but I’ve come darn close. I hear you…let’s move on.
3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.
Steady perseverance, yes, I have shown steady perseverance for years on end. But here’s the problem with this definition—the part having to do with being “even–tempered.” Really, is that so important? Is being even-tempered required all of the time or part of the time?
I guess as I go through the official definition of “patience,” maybe I do not meet it. In my past 13 years of parenting, I know I can not say unequivocally that I have NEVER been annoyed, NEVER lost my temper, NEVER been irritated, NEVER been restless. Does this mean I do not possess patience?
At this point, I really don’t care. I want Neo crate trained and out of my bed. Please excuse the deviation from my typical posts. I guess I am just a bit annoyed at my puppy for not sleeping in his crate. I am also irritated at how easily others have been able to get their puppies trained, so before I lose my temper, if you have any advise, please share. I will get some rest tonight and get back to my usual posts this week. Thanks for your patience.
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You know that you LOVE Neo sleeping with you and your Husband!!Good things come to those who wait.
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Danette Reply:
July 20th, 2010 at 3:24 pm
Please don’t divulge all my secrets!!
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The woman at the pet supply store wasn’t totally off base. It does take patience. Dog training isn’t magic, it’s repetition and consistency. Your little pup has you quite well trained!! They are sneakily good at that.
I’ve trained and showed dogs for half my life. You didn’t state what he does while he’s in his crate. I’m going to go on the assumption that he whines, cries, barks, etc. while he’s in there. I know it’s beyond annoying when you put young Neo in the crate and he whines, barks, etc. However, by giving in and letting him sleep in your bed, you’ve taught him that all it takes to get what he wants is making a little noise. He barks, you cave. Take a minute and think about it from his point of view. This is great!! All I have to do is make a little noise and presto! I’m out of the crate and in the bed.
This is where the patience comes in (and possibly ear plugs). Put him in the crate and ONLY let him out when he’s quiet. This will take time to condition him to, but he needs to learn that when he makes noise, he doesn’t get rewarded. Feeding him in his crate generally helps as well.
It’s also important that everyone in the house follows the same rules where Neo’s training is concerned. If one person doesn’t let him out until he’s quiet, and another lets him out when he makes noise, it will take forever for him to learn what is acceptable behavior and what isn’t.
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Danette Reply:
July 29th, 2010 at 7:34 am
Stacey, thank you so much for your input. My post was a bit “tongue in cheek” because as a mother of child with special needs I had to learn patience years ago. That being said, I knew I should wait Neo out, but he cried for two hours (!!!) and by 1am I needed to sleep. I knew it was the wrong thing to do and thinking about it now I realize I should take my own advice when parents are debating how much work to put into their child with special needs. I always say, “You pay the price now or you will pay it later.” I guess I need to pay the price now with Neo. Stacey, I appreciate you making me revisit this topic (problem!) and I think I will have to try to ear plug route!
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I partially agree with the woman at the store – parents know more about patience than anybody else. But I would elaborate – parents know patience from every angle, every shade of it. We know everything about having it and about losing it. We develop resilience but we never stop being human beings. And seeking help doesn’t signal losing patience – it’s simply an attempt to find a solution faster.
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