their peers, or anxious about an upcoming event.
Today I want to look at the social component of anxiety. Children can have specific or generalized social phobias. Specific social phobias include the fear of speaking in class or in a group of individuals. Generalized social phobia is an anxiety that exists in almost all social situations.
But the environment or a child’s surroundings also plays an important role in the development of anxiety. Children who are overprotected by their parents can become more anxious. Also, children with special needs, for example, ADHD, Asperger’s, or mental illness, may develop social anxiety as a response to the difficulties they encounter in school and in life in general.
Similar to ADHD, there is no single test that can determine if a child suffers from social anxiety. But you can look for certain signs. Ask yourself the following questions.
- Does your child cry for no reason?
- Does your child tend to cling to you during social settings or when out in public?
- Does your child become anxious and uncomfortable when he is made the focus of attention?
- Does your child refuse to speak in public?
- Does your child refuse to read aloud in school?
- Does your child become overly anxious when called on to answer a question in class?
- Has your child refused to go to school?
- Does your child exhibit a lot of anxiety over tests?
If you answered yes to some of these questions, then your child may be experiencing some degree of anxiety. You, as a parent, can do a lot to help your child with his anxiety and increase his confidence and self-esteem. Don’t focus your attention on his failures or mistakes, but instead, praise your child for his successes. If you don’t know where to start, take a look at S-O-S Step-by-Step on Anxiety and Stress. This program will walk you through the anxiety problem-solving process.
In her article titled Helping Children Cope with Anxiety, Maureen Neihart outlines three steps that parents can take to help alleviate their child’s anxiety. First, help your child to control his breathing. Second, teach your child how to relax. Third, help your child to overcome his fears by not avoiding them.
Take a look at these excellent websites and what they have to offer.
- Charlotte Reznick is an expert on helping children reduce stress through her Imagery for Children program. The program includes relaxation techniques, drawing, journal writing, and more. She has books, CDs, and combination packages for parents to use with their children. Reznick also offers a free newsletter. Her website has a wealth of free information offering articles, her blog, and other resources.
- Another excellent resource for parents is Lori Lite’s Stress Free Kids website. She is the author of many creative books, CDs, and curriculums that help children to manage their stress. On her website she also offers free articles and videos looking at stress and its influence on autism, self-esteem/confidence, the family, and more.
- The Raising Socially Anxious Children Blog provides resources and support for parents who have children with anxiety or mood disorders. Previous blog posts have addressed how social anxiety can be helped with the right technique and people. There are also lists of other relevant blogs, books, research studies, and resources.
Remember, if you don’t feel like you are making any progress with helping your child to reduce his stress or you believe his anxiety is increasing, contact an expert in anxiety. She can help determine what is going on and if an actual Social Anxiety Disorder exists. There are varying techniques and treatments and a professional can help determine what will be best for your child.
To find resources on anxiety and social skills, join S-O-S Step-by-Step. You can access hundreds of resources for free.
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Hi Danette. I’d agree to this “Don’t focus your attention on his failures or mistakes, but instead, praise your child for his successes.” It is okay to remind or reprimand your kids for wrongdoings from time to time but we also need to make them feel that they are appreciated for the good things. Positive reinforcement works. In this way, we can help boost their morale and self confidence.
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Danette Reply:
June 1st, 2011 at 9:28 am
Thanks for stopping by and providing your insight!
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Recent research has been able to help in the development of tests that can help parents to identify if their child is suffering from social-emotional learning needs deficits.
http://www.dailyrx.com/news-article/three-key-factors-help-children-avoid-social-rejection-1617.html
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Danette Reply:
June 1st, 2011 at 9:27 am
Les, thanks for providing the reference!
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I learned a lot from here and I can relate myself. When I was younger I am afraid to face many people in front of me. My mom used to teach me how to face them with no fears, but unfortunately I’m still shy..I am not that sociable since my parents were very strict when its about choosing my friends. I know that it really affects my self esteem..Thanks for this post.
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Danette Reply:
June 18th, 2011 at 3:19 pm
Thanks, Sam, for sharing your personal experience. Research shows that people are born with a tendency to be introverts or extroverts. I saw a show where researchers predicted what a baby would grow up to be-introverted or extroverted-based on certain early behaviors. They were surprisingly accurate. Your shyness could just be who you are–and that is OK. Not everyone is highly social. I am sure you bring many wonderful things to a relationship when people have the opportunity to get to know you!
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Upon reading the tales of many people who have social anxiety and such like, it would appear that most have had a sense of shyness for life throughout, but social anxiety only truly emerged and worsened at around the age of thirteen. Social anxiety emerged at thirteen for me, also. Which leads me to believe that hormones are the main cause, due to them being wayward at this particular time in our lives. Granted, I understand that tragic events can cause social anxiety, as it did with me at thirteen. But I was bullied severely throughout the years of seven and eight, but I was still extremely extroverted, despite being depressed. It was at thirteen, the true problems begin. Is it the same in the case of anyone else? Can hormones be the main cause of social anxiety in most cases? If so, does that mean there is a chance of social anxiety calming with age?
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Nice post, thanks for sharing once more!
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I agree with Abel it is okay to remind or reprimand your kids for wrongdoings from time to time but parents should also need to make them feel that they are appreciated for the good things.
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I have 10 year old twin girls who are different in every way apart from appearence. One of the girls is very outspoken while the other tends to hide behind her sister. They were raised in exactly the same way and placed in exactly the same social situations but whereas it brings one out of her shell it sends the other into hiding!
I think that social anxiety must have its roots in individual personalities and the peers of the person suffering. After all my girls are genetically identical and they are treated exactly the same in the home, so it must be outside the home that the problem starts.
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Hi there! I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I really enjoyed reading this article.
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